Susan Russo calls it There is Life After Whats His Name.
Get on and over the past hurts and pain and reclaim the joy. Depression is situational and temporary but if you can’t budge right now don’t beat yourself up more. Get help. You can do it with a therapist but I encourage you to take a look at this first. It’s an online way of taking care of yourself: HEALING and Getting Over the Jerk – Get Unstuck and Over the Depression. (on the other side: life, fun, smiles, and a new you)
Back to Susan Russo who so wisely says:
Sometimes things simply don’t turn out the way we want them to and depending on how you choose to deal with it will determine when and how you move on from it.
When you choose to accept reality and look your situation square in the face without making excuses about it, or lying to yourself about it or holding onto hope that things might change is when you set yourself free from it.
You free yourself from seeing the situation for anything else except what it is. When you can be totally honest with yourself and come to the realization that your situation is what it is and nothing is going to change what it is; is when you can begin to put it behind you.
Acceptance is the first step in moving forward. Instead of dwelling on what it could’ve been or what you believe it should’ve been; you accept it for what it is.
You may not like it. You may wish that things worked out differently and you may not want to accept it. But until you accept it you will only make yourself miserable by continuing to hold onto it.
Holding on to it causes you to dwell on it. It can make you feel bitter, angry, resentful, and jealous. Plus you’ll experience a whole lot of other negative emotions that go along with holding on and wallowing in all of the unanswered questions as to what went wrong and why.
The truth is you can go round and round about why things happened the way they did. You can go around and ask all of your friends and family what they think the other person is thinking and you may even ask the person point blank yourself.
But, what good does it do? What do you accomplish?
So….let’s cut to the chase – what are you going to do? I KNOW you can be happy again. I know it because I have seen people back from the brink on only the slimmest of hopes. One woman who lost her home, her children and her sense of self, asked me to do one thing for her. She asked me to post a letter to her judge online. She wrote about the trauma, how she could not present evidence at court, the betrayals and lies of her husband and opposing counsel – what really went on.
Two years later, she called. Would I take the letter down? She was now in grad school, getting a masters, and applying for jobs. She said, “The letter did it – my shout out to the world. I felt like I was being heard.” She proceeded to thank me profusely and I had to explain my part was minimal – she did the internal reframing that changed her life.
So look, I want the same for you. Take a look at what I think is pretty amazing in helping you do the same: moving on after the jerk, narcissist, sociopath – you know – whats his name. What I like about this is that it is based on Positive Psychology and I know exactly how great that is. I studied with Martin Seligman, PhD at the University of Pennsylvania to study the science behind Positive Psychology (look at what’s right with you, not what’s wrong) and this is straight from the science behind this field:
The author says:
If you feel like life is caving in on you, you are not alone. I understand how you feel. My name is Amelie Chance. Two years after my divorce, I fell to the bathroom floor at work in a full out panic attack. The memory of my break up was still very fresh. I decided right then and there it had been long enough. I knew I had to search out the solution to healing a broken heart, because I didn’t buy the old adage that “time heals all wounds.” It certainly didn’t for me. I decided it was time to climb back up from that bathroom floor and find the life that I knew still awaited me.
Here is the reality I discovered: No matter if you’ve broken up from a long marriage or lost your first love, no matter how impossible it may seem – you can heal. Whether you are 20 or 60, life can still go on and it can be not only meaningful, but also better and brighter than before. This does not happen because you ‘wait’ for time to heal you, but rather because you’ve taken action to heal your broken heart.
So go ahead, treat yourself to the best program for healthy moving on after what’s his name!