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The Narcissist and Reality: Not Like Yours

 

 

divorce exit strategy

 

 

 

Word Salad and Stealth Transaction Fees

Oh how clever the narcissist: learning the language of manipulation so that it appears normal.  They will act relaxed, laid back, and even serene with you. But the tab is running. They will make lists, and demands and never, ever, show compassion when needed. You will pay the price of the sloth of the emotional jungle with the cunning of the stalking lion..

You are the prey. Be good and you will not be rewarded or helped but you may not be punished. But insist on your right to be human, be appreciated, be heard and to be validated and suddenly reality will warp all for his gain and your demise. He will spare nothing in this game of lies and twisted truth. He has to: this is his power place and it calms him down. You pop up and he smashes you with gaslighting, fraud, untruths and will define you to be unrecognizable. The more you have done the more he lies – he knows you are a sucker.

Everything is conditional and his needs are paramount. Tell him you cannot do something and watch the lists arrive with bullet points of drama fueled half truths, half lies of all he has done for you but not one word of all YOU have done. Ever.

Why does he do this? Years of devaluation from primary caretaker taught him how to protect his interior life from pain. But the more he runs from pain the more pain he experiences and the more he needs to feed you lies and reminders of how awful you are, though in reality, you have been anything but.

 

They may pretend to be supportive and they certainly will shout that they are but the support is as strong as a bridge of feathers. The infrastructure with these people is a house of cards. You are replaceable. You are forgotten and another victim is sought to release the dopamine. The narcissist is the one most likely to spend hours with online sex because it gives him feel good chemicals and he doesn’t have to be emotionally involved. Only his hand and his penis.

Ashley Madison data has revealed it was mostly men talking to men – the number of fake female profiles was almost the entire female data base.  But does it matter? The man who wants to cheat and betray is not the man you want – he can’t tell that he’s talking up a man pretending to be a woman because his emotional depth is near zero.  Interestingly  most men say the same thing over and over in online sites and love to hear themselves pretend to be studs. Women know this and are easily bored but some make a career of it, not for long as the price they pay is huge: beaten by pimps, drugged to do yet another web cam – but the one thing the online cam girls have in common: low self -esteem and abusive pasts.

You are the target of the pathology. Ok, now you know what you already knew! Get out already! Life is short!

 

 

 

 

Ann Bradley

43 Comments

  1. Anne,

    I’ve been reading your book on divorce. You are misinformed about parental alienation . It is real, it happens and it is another effect of abuse from a narcissistic spouse. Here are some resources:


    Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind, Amy J. L. Baker

    “Based on the descriptions of the alienating parents provided, it can be inferred that many met the diagnostic criteria for a personality disorder, a pervasive and distorted relational style, including narcissism, borderline, and antisocial personality.

    Many of the adult children of PAS experienced physical or sexual abuse by the alienating parent. This finding is consistent with epidemiological research on the co-occurrence of different forms of abuse, demonstrating that parents who abuse their children in one way tend to abuse them in other ways as well.”

    Damage to adult alienated children:
    – Low self esteem, 65%
    Depression, 70%
    Substance abuse, 35%
    Lack of trust, 40%
    Alienated from their children, 50%
    Divorce, 57%

    Average time for a reunion with the alienated parent is 20 years.

    Chapter 8,

    —–
    An attachment-based model of “parental alienation” is diagnosed from the presence of three separate symptom features that are evident in the child’s symptom display:

    1.    Suppression of the normal range functioning of the child’s attachment system relative to one parent involving a child initiated “cut-off” of the child’s relationship with a parent.
    2.   The presence in the child’s symptom display of a specific set of narcissistic and borderline personality disorder features, involving:
    a.)  Grandiosity: A grandiose judgment of a parent in which the child perceives himself or herself to be in an elevated status position in the family hierarchy above that held by the targeted-rejected parent, so that the child feels entitled to judge the parent;
    c.)  Entitlement: A sense of entitlement in which the child feels that his or her desires should all be met to the child’s satisfaction, and if the targeted-rejected parent doesn’t meet the child’s entitled expectations to the child’s satisfaction then the child feels justified in inflicting a retaliatory retribution on the targeted-rejected parent for the supposed parental failure;
    d.)  Haughty Arrogance: A haughty and arrogant attitude of contempt regarding the supposed parental inadequacy (and personal inadequacy) of the targeted/rejected parent;
    e.) Absence of Empathy: A complete absence of normal-range empathy and compassion for the feelings of the targeted-rejected parent;
    a.)  Splitting:  Extremes in the child’s perception of relationships with his or her parents, in which the child overly idealizes one parent as being the all-good, perfect parent, while the other parent is viewed as being the entirely bad, horrible and wretched parent.
    3. An intransigently held, fixed and false belief system (i.e, a delusion) regarding the fundamental inadequacy of the targeted-rejected parent who the child typically characterizes as being “abusive” (typically the allegation is that the supposedly inadequate parenting of the targeted-rejected parent is emotionally abusive).”

    “I receive many requests for help and guidance.  When I am contacted, professional standards of practice prevent me from commenting on the specifics of an individual case.  However, the relationship dynamics involved with the pathogenic parenting of “parental alienation” processes are exceedingly similar across families, because they originate in the same type of parental psychopathology (a narcissistic personality disorder with borderline features that is decompensating into persecutory beliefs regarding the targeted/rejected parent’s abuse potential relative to the child).”

     http://drcraigchildressblog.com/2014/06/18/diagnosis/

    • Thank you for your responses. There is a huge difference with a significant outcome when PAS is used as a tactic in the courts by unethical attorneys. Typical of these manipulations is a reference I made in a bar complaint to a DA who, in training local attorneys said, “If you want to get my attention in child abuse cases, use the word choking.” The case I was working on involved a family law attorney who then proceeded to use the word choking in her case and sending it to the DA. Because I knew of these shenanigans I included it all in the Bar complaint. The DA never filed charges and the attorney quit. It was being used as a quick and dirty tactic to accuse the male (in this case) of abuse. He had done none, and no one had claimed it, except the attorney. Lies are the foundation of these misuses of real problem areas. Creating a reality distortion field is so not necessary.

      • I was in a relationship with someone with NPD but have only just learnt about narcissistic abuse. He had the police take my kids n me put in a psych ward whilst staying in a women’s refuge then made out I was a dangerous, violent psycho in court so I was rarely allowed to see my kids n had to be supervised with them. My story is so huge I have begun to write a book to document it as it is the only way to thoroughly explain it as my mother n siblings are convinced I’m a paranoid shizophrenic having delusions. This is exactly how my sociopathic ex has intended to manipulate things, he’s so clever n cunning he has many people believing he’s an honest, caring model citizen n has ruined my reputation in a small rural town. I used to have friends but now everyone hates me for being an alleged child abuser n I don’t get to see my kids. The fight in court was traumatising me so much I quit fighting. Now my kids all have PTSD n other conditions as a result of his abuse of them. But the worst part is he is very rich n has been paying crime to constantly break into my home n spike my food with drugs that prevent me from sleeping for days on end as he knows insomnia is also a symptom of schizophrenia. My property is also being damaged, stolen, n sometimes returned but in a different location in an attempt to confuse me n lead me to also believe I’m not sane. However I have a high IQ n know what’s real n what’s not. But this post relationship abuse has been going on for nearly two decades now n I keep relocating but he always finds me, thanks to his well connected father. I’ve tried to kill myself many times trying to escape but I need to stay alive so my kids can have one normal parent n a place to escape if they need to bur they are too afraid to escape. I cant get any help from my family, community services or our health system coz what he does is so crazy everyone thinks I am crazy

        • Work with a trusted support person and put cameras in to catch him. You need evidence. Protective mothers often get in your position because they are so motivated to protect their kids they get emotional (and why not?) – but in the legal system this emotion must be channeled and controlled. You can do it!

          The writing is a great idea if you know how to frame things with facts, no drama, and without an accusatory tone. Then you come across as the victim you are – but it has to be done right. I had to edit my book so many times before I let it go to edit out the anger and drama.

          Best,

          Ann

        • @ Laura.
          I am reading what you wrote and I am in disbelieve that this is possible from a human to another. You are not crazy – HE IS! I just came out of a Fem narc abusing me with words and trying to mess with my brain. I got out and I wish you to escape. Can you start brand new in a different state? If not you have to have evidence and find help. What you describe is awful. Be strong – it will pass.

          Ben

        • I am sorry. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. I don’t know what else to say, I’ve been through similar but not as extreme and it has taken its toll on me. It’s utterly devastating to go through.

  2. Understandably, you are focused on male narcissism and abuse in your book but your figure of an 85/15% male female split is wrong and it is closer to 50/50. This is a commonly made mistake because male narcissism takes more the form of overt sexual, physical and financial abuse and female covert emotional abuse in the home. The emotional abuse is probably the more damaging for children.

    • @ TED
      Is there a difference in fem or male narc? Is the male narc. abusing his family – while the fem narc not married differentiate between close friend where she shows all signs of a narc – but with others not? And what would you recommend when this fem narc curses her own little children ( F.. U – loud and angry- throwing at them) when they don’t obey/behave? I read in other web pages the distribution of male / fem narc is 75 /25.

  3. Theres definatly female sociopaths. I was friends with one for several years and she covertly tried to take me down. I wasn’t aware of it or knew it at the time but afterwards when I got away and read about it I recognized the signs. I got the gaslighting smear campaign, the works. I also dated two men that had this and they both had connections to her. One was a long time friend of hers, the other was a man she set me up with. I had it coming at me from all angles and was basically screwed. It was a huge life lesson. Break ups and disappointing relationships are tough for all of us, but when you encounter dysfunctional sociopaths with no empathy and a fake self, it takes the pain to a whole other level. Some people will dismiss this as they were just a creep that wasn’t into you. They don’t understand the depth of how cruel and how they have to win at all cost. They also have a long history of being this way. You find out if you dig a bit, its not just you its anyone thats tried to get close or be anything to them. Anyway, I did all the wrong things they say to not do. I went crazy, got emotional,and even did a few things to fight back when playing fair got me no where, and I’m not sorry. I got my power back and am pretty good now. It took awhile and I think I had post traumatic stress for awhile. Now I feel Im better and stronger than I was and would never be a target again as I’m aware of this dark underbelly of humanity now. Im enlightened. I won’t ever forgive those people but I dont need to, they’re irrelevant to my life as it stands now. I want to give a hug to anyone thats been through abuse from people who dont have a concience. They prey on the goodness of people and the female ones usually covet simething you’ve got that they’re jealous of.

  4. I am currently dealing with ex husband who is remarried, long story would love to share. I could use any help in the court system with my 5 year old daughter who is continually used to hurt, control and be abusive.

  5. Hi I’m involved with a man who is narcissistic. He just had a big melt down cuz ya see he also has PTSD. He left me and will not call me or text me. But before he left I had words with him cuz I have found some sexual pictures of girl’s and he tells me I’m the crazy one. That it’s not him . I’m starting to read alot about this and reading that this is so him.please help. Thank you

  6. To all those who have made comments her and those who will read this page in the future, my heart goes out to you. My expertise on the subject has been developed not only as a clinician but on a personal level. I was in love with a narcissist and have a young son with her. I hope I am not breaking any rules for this blog by making you aware of my article on the subject here http://www.bournemouthhypnotherapy.co.uk/narcissistic-abuse/ Given some of the comments above I feel it may be of use and comfort. My love and blessings to you all and especially Ann for raising awareness of this subject.

    • Dr. T,
      Likewise, my heart goes out to you. You are not alone and I understand. It’s not your fault.

  7. Hello,
    Thank you for this forum. I am dealing with a family member who is a narcissist. I put up with her abuse for years to keep peace but the stress was causing me physical pain.

    I finally started fighting back last summer and, of course, I became the enemy. I shattered her paradigm about being perfect. Everything I ever did negatively in my life was thrown back at me like daggers. I told her she would not be writing my obituary. Ha!

    I am a retired MSW social work director and a long time business woman, having had rental property and an antique business for years.

    But, she knows more than I do about literally everything in the world.

    I know she is a hurt little girl deep inside but so am I. Our father was alcoholic and our mother had an anxiety disorder. Of course, she idealizes our parents! After all, they made her and she’s perfect!

    We are thrown together to deal with a family death and she is trying to control everything. She has road blocked every thing my brother and I agree on. There are only the three of us and no will.

    I don’t know whether to fight or take flight.

    Do I move on for my sanity or do I fight for my sanity?

    Thanks for listening.

  8. I am now divorcing a narcissists sex addict after 5 years of a roller coaster marriage the man works for the military army depot in corpus tx as a supervisor caught cheating on me after 5 years with a mentally ill drug addicted now reporting cancer victim whom he meet 6 yrs back at his job I found him in my mothers trailer as he tried to deny it all can anyone believe this crap he called the police trying to remove me as his wife off the property which backfired once again wife has rights , telling the police he wanted a divorce the situation became explosive as he took
    The trailer to Dallas without permission or insurance having a blow out . I went to his property and removed trailer with power of attorney and two cops for back up only to catch him again with whore. This made hi mad as cops again showed up and neighbors came out to see events. Once the trailer was returned he left his shit stained underwear where
    The cleaning crew told me about this and I sent him the pics of what was found . It reads as a small victory as he is decompensating quickly . I blocked his phone no more pain. If anyone
    Would like to add helpful comments do so the battle
    Has started,

  9. Finally!! I just can’t express my GRATITUDE enough!! You absolutely NAILED it. I am a 50 year old daughter of an old man who has been severly abusive to me since birth. He exhibits every single symptom of NPD…but TO THE EXTREME. How I’ve managed to get this far in life without committing suicide is a miracle. This article is just amazing. I am SICK AND TIRED of reading articles that portray these people as ‘just having a mental disorder’. Sorry, but no one ever wants to address the fact that THEY ARE EVIL on a level that few, if any, people really have the ability to comprehend. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
    Trish

  10. I am also divorced from a cruel husband. Initially it seemed he wanted to help me with three pre teans with a home , stability, opportunity and support. It was a slow invidious journey in what happened. I was reduced to another person. My chlilden have been influenced by how I was treated. They continue this pattern. As I try to overcome years of abuse, I’m pulled back by their behavior. I’m amazed at this point of my life that this is what I raised. They are adults, will wait for them. Il now longer need have make it easier for them.

    • It is so easy to be drawn in by these people isn’t it? And we do change because of it, but that also shows us change is possible in the other direction too. You seem to have found this out as you headed back to health and normal. You made it – that is quite an accomplishment. Best to you and the children – Ann

  11. Dear Ann

    Your sentence jumped into my eye and is nothing but the truth!
    “This experience with a narc can be a catalyst for growth and self respect and learning how to cope with difficult events and circumstances. You can learn the skills to move beyond”

    I read this this morning and I am amazed of the truth. She contacted me again at 5 am today and it is like I have an armor around me and I only feel sorry for her. I am relieved that my intense research and study has paid of.

  12. Hi Ann
    I have a question. In my analysis of my fem narcissist I crossed the site ‘Attachment style and close relationships” ( and they crossed different styles). My question: Could it be that Preoccupied are the biggest victims of a narc bc. they don’t receive confirmation and that secure and the narc are better of for the reason that they don’t need so much empathy? Or does the attachment style has no influence to the narc behaviour? ( I compare narcs like aliens- vampires or zombies – that helps)

  13. Hi Ann .
    In my study to protect myself from my fem narc I tried to analyse if the attachment style has an impact on the narc relationship. After reading the attachment style and combinations https://jebkinnison.com/2014/05/05/attachment-type-combinations-in-relationships/ I believe the preoccupied needs more empathy which the narc can’t give so that will be a dead end, while the avoidant may dont need so much empathy – and the narc is not necessarily so in rage. Does that make sense to you?

  14. By the way – my fem narc hammered me with msg to come to her and she needs help and 5 phone calls in one day..I only feel sorry for her.

    • My very beautiful female narc.just an update: And she comes yesterday from another date, she ” loves” him as she told me a longer time ago, and txt me same evening ..to come and meet her the next day ( today) – and when I do not do what she asks me to do she spews her venom all over my phone and is mirroring her own character onto me. You are this and that – which in reality she is inside. I have not seen her in 5 weeks and will not see her again. If any man has any experience with a female narcissist just tell us how you overcome her. I see her today as a winding wurm in the dust to get attention. And for that she takes anybodies attention.

  15. @ Dr. T Roberts

    Hi – interesting site you have: I am a victim of a fem narc (only 18 month- showed her true color after 6 month) and after studying a lot online – after I ended, I understood better and It helped me a lot. 4 weeks after ending I was healed to 95 %. However in regard to sexual behavior of a narc – there are many different types of narc’s.
    ( usually in sex a narc likes to be served – but again that depends on other factors as well as in # 4. And in the beginning all narcs spin the web till you are in and than they change bc , you are secured)
    1. A somatic narc does show the sexual signs different to the cerebral narc.
    2. I love to categorize the cerebral and somatic narc and under categorize them in covert – overt – parasitic and boomerang narc. All have different behaviours has also do to with
    3. upbringing – culture and
    4. I go so far as to integrate the astro sign. A leo narc is different than a virgo narc. A virgo narc is planning his / her attack better.
    5. In addition I would love to see the attachment style of that specific narc- preoccupied – avoidant – secure – dismissive aso. But all have in common that its only ME ME ME and no empathy at all. Also I believe that some are mixing a narc with an emotional abuser.

    I would love to study this deeper with a database.

    Ann what do you think?

  16. just to add on;
    I am over my narcissist but something has changed dramatically! I date only beautiful woman and I test them. If I see any and I MEAN any narc sign – I throw them out of my life w/o looking back. I am a serial dater now and I think I will never give another good woman a chance. She is in money – she is gone – she is in gifts – she is gone – she is in expensive restaurants – she is gone – she is lying – she is gone. Everytime I throw a woman out of my life – I will have a bottle of champagne and test my eye sight and my brain function. I had 2 bottles in one week. Right this minute the second – while I am in contact with another beautiful latin woman. Life is getting expensive as champagne is!! I hope I will ever trust again!

    • I hope my feedback is well received. being abused by men my entire life and not just in romantic relationships I have lived next to several men who stalked me after I responded by saying Hi. (I always have a resting bitch face.) Anyways, my heart goes out to you. Seeing posts from men is very healing knowing it’s not men vs. women thing. It’s a sane, loving person vs selfish, crazy maker thing. My heart goes out to you and I hope you find your happily ever after. Thank you.

    • I am sorry but your whole narrative about women seems a bit off to me. Like my narc partner talking about this previous ex’s. They were all after your money, gifts, etc. And I don’t understand the need to mention the ethnicity of your current love interest. You sound like you might have a bit of a narcissistic personality issue yourself.

  17. I’m thankful to have found this forum. I made it out of a terribly abusive marriage and only during my therapy afterwards did I learn that everything I had gone through was related to his being a narc. I left my marriage broken and with a drug addiction that I take accountability for but that was in part a result of the mistreatment and dysfunction I endured. Because I fell to my addiction there will be no justice for the things I went through. He won sole custody and over the past few years he has methodically phases me out. He no longer allows me time with my kids. I have been sober for years and finally was able to hire a lawyer to demand time with my boys. I had to sit through court ordered mediation yesterday and it was awful. His lists of demands are crazy. He drug me through the mud for my past and everything about the present was a fabrication. The whole meeting was about what am I going to do to make him comfortable. I almost fell for it. On the premise of wanting to do anything to be allowed time with my kids I almost gave him total control over my life again, down to issues regarding my current spouse. And none of it would have been enough. I shouldn’t have to prove it to him. Me and the courts know that I am worth being their mom. I have worked so hard to recreate myself and my life. I never thought of be faced with these thoughts but if the terms of me being reunited with my kids aren’t ‘safe’ for me I may have to bide my time. Idk. Sorry this was do long- phew

    • Go to the website of California Protective Parents. Doesn’t matter that you may or may not be in CA. It’s a resource of people. Use this as a starting place to learn what to do in your situation. There are people like Bob Geffner who understand immediately how your ex would be manipulating the situation. Google his name. Some lawyers “get it” and some don’t – and some know how to advise you and coach you as to what to say to keep the court upon your side – or get them there. You need coaching, like acting coaching – how to respond to lies – have someone ask you questions and learn how to respond. Take cues from your narcissist and his word salad – how is he getting away with lies? Learn from that. When he asks what you are going to do for him respond, “What do you want?” followed by “Is that in the best interest of the children?” or “We can work on that, let’s keep it on the table.” Then you seem reasonable – whether you ever do it, that doesn’t matter. What matters is your presentation of reasonableness that is now in words and documented. Practice being reasonable, in stealth mode! Use word salad, like narcissists do. Best, Ann

  18. I am a single mother of 2- my ex husband is 22 years older than I and a trained sociopath narcissist. The real problem is my was current boyfriend or past boyfriend (as of today) is a Narcissist and between the both of them my self respect and worth has paralyzed me. Out of nowhere my boyfriend broke up with me today and went on to degrade me and say terrible things….2 hours later wanted to watch my young son as I went to work. I guess what I am asking is how you escape the mind fuck and come out alive. I’m tired…as I’ve been dealing with this behavior overall for 10 years. I’m an educated, kind, beautiful women who is raising 2 small children. How do you not feel paralyzed? Having a difficult time as I know they are toxic but…having a hard time setting myself free from the abuse.

    • So sorry. This is hard stuff indeed. I sometimes imagined a metaphorical trash basket and threw everything in there – motions from the court, phone calls, verbal abuse, and it worked to calm my mind. Calming my mind allowed me to think rationally. Rationally, I planned, did self talk, took myself out for a coffee = whatever it took. Reading the book Learned Optimism was like getting bliss poured into my tired neuronal network in the brain. It wasn’t one thing – it was many – and thinking f this saying by Churchill: “When you’re going through hell, keep on going.” You’ve got kids – believe it or not, getting into their world can get you out of your head and the rumination. Surprise them – it will make you happy. Be well, Ann

  19. I have been married to a narcissist for 35 years and am to the point of total destruction of my inner being.

    I have had everything turned against me and am told that the last 35 years of hell are all my fault. He says I would have never been abused if I was a normal thinking person – I have caused him to hit me and treat me bad since the beginning of marriage.

    I am told I lie everyday and that my behavior is the issue, He has a way of charming others and getting them to believe I am the problem. I don’t think right and that he is a good person that was never given a chance,He says that out of 35 years I have never given him 30 days of cooperation, He has shown his anger and abuse to all 3 of our daughters and now to my grand babies and blames me for purposely making this happen while they are here, I have let him make me believe that I am the one with the problem for so many years that I almost started to believe it, I know if I divorce him that he is gonna make sure and turn my family and friends against me while he in his victory moves on to the next victim, I fear for my life but am still here. what is the matter with me, I feel so helpless. I want to get out so I have a chance to make things right with my daughters and grandchildren, How do I get these claws out of my back and take back my life,

    • I can only sympathizes with that kind of daily trauma and suffering. I hope you have at least one person you can to that will validate you. Domestic violence support groups are very helpful when I need to talk to other people who get it. My Narc resurfaced and hoovered. The mind fucking is where I lost it!!! Cheating on me was somehow manageable, but being lied to and manipulated was my breaking point! Good luck. The support group was very helpful in trying to figure out what to do without people “shoulding” me. I made the right choice is less than a month, but I need support from safe people.

      • So glad you found help with a support group and thank you for reaching out here to others. Many read these responses and you have no idea who you may have helped, but know you did. Thx. Best to you, Ann

  20. I was in a relationship with a covert narcissist. He pretended humility while targeting and manipulating me. I was extremely vulnerable when I met him, and opened up to him about past sexual abuse. He began to sexually abuse me (in the devaluation stage, after freaking out about me getting close to him, and feeling insecure). He raped me after we broke up.

    I know he’s a horribly destructive person, but I feel sorry for him. I think he wants to change, but can’t. In any case, it’s a relief to no longer be a target of his. Who wants to be “special” to someone who violates them?

    • So glad you got out and are doing ok. It’s ok to feel sorry for people with problems but don’t let your empathy be used against you. To hold both thoughts – that of compassion for yourself and for another is quite admirable. Just do it at a distance and maybe one day we will be able to identify the personality disordered before they can hurt anyone. Best, Ann

  21. I’m disabled and can not support myself on my tiny disability check. I am desperate to leave after 22 years of abuse. I feel trapped and hopeless. Any one else have this experience and what have you done?

  22. I just read the Characteristics of the Narcissist. Almost all fit my late mother directly, the others indirectly and perhaps two or three not at all. This is not a coincidence. It’s been just about a month since I learned about narcissism and in that time my world has begun to change significantly. I couldn’t account for some of the things that happened when I was growing up – why my mother and father-figure acted as they did toward me. Why I suffered so much abuse and why there was no one to champion my side. The few times someone did take my part, they were shunted aside in one way or another, sometimes to the point that I was forbidden to associate with them. There were a few pieces to my puzzle that were missing. It was like a jigsaw but in the sense that it seemed the puzzle looked one way UNTIL the missing pieces are found. Then, instead of what one THOUGHT it would look like, a completely different picture appeared, very different from what was seemingly on the horizon. I don’t know how to describe it any better. All I can say is thanks to you and to the many others who have put up websites on the subject. In viewing more than thirty different sites, I have yet to come up with anything that is directly in opposition to the way it was. Even unto my fifties and I am now 65 as of this writing. One site had ELEVEN pages and all fit but a few and those were of an indirect application. Your site and your explanations explain things in a simple yet in-depth manner, as if to summarized in a few paragraphs all of what I read elsewhere and now here. You tie it ALL together very concisely, This is not to diminish what I’ve read on other sites, rather it is to say all of that in a relatively concise but complete manner. In other words you say it all, and I thank you. I hope I have been able to express that your writings are as it were compliments and expounds on the subject. I am indebted and grateful. Thank you very, VERY much for your invaluable writings.

    • Thank you so much for your kind words. Much appreciated. And I am delighted to hear that the puzzle is fleshing itself out for you to understand the “why” of what happened to you. We all are in debt to those who came before us and shared hard earned lessons. Thank you for sharing yours here for others to learn from. Best, Ann

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