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Ashley Madison, Affairs and Betrayal

betrayalandlies

 

 

 

Did Ashley Madison just enter your life? Maybe it did and you are shocked or perhaps finding your partner’s email there was only validating what you suspected. Either way it hurts like hell. Your trust is gone, your center is not holding, you feel like your emotions are the most out of control things in the cosmos.

Will this end the relationship or lead to a discussion? Some will go one way, some the other. The only wrong thing here is the betrayal from your mate to you, not the decisions you make in moving forward. But the decision making process is going to be one of the most difficult things you have ever done. When the hurt of betrayal is all you can feel it is hard to know what paths are right for you.

For over 12 years I’ve been working with the betrayed and the pained. I’ve seen amazing transformations arise from fear and pain and hopelessness. One woman I worked with is an attorney, another a therapist. Some remarried. Some are single and some still finding their way. The road to recovery is never a straight line but it isn’t all trauma forever. Post traumatic growth is what we aim for and we get it.

I want to help you get through this. If you have been thinking of a consultation, now is a good time. Whether he is a narcissist or a jerk or a good guy done bad, it doesn’t matter. YOU need a helping hand and a way through the darkness.

Here is a post I wrote on betrayal a while ago. I think you might like it now: Betrayal Hurts

Scroll up to Consultations and Books if you want to make an appointment. You can get through this. I know that because I have seen it time and again. Years ago a woman asked me to publish a letter to a judge on my site. The judge had taken her kids from her. I did. Two years later she asked me to take it down as she was now in grad school. She told me, “That letter was the one thing I looked at every day to remind me I had power too. It got me into grad school.” Now, she is Director of a Social Services Unit. ¬†We are strong, even when harmed. It’s ok if you don’t feel strong today or tomorrow. And crying is ok too. And so is hope, especially hope.

Ann Bradley

7 Comments

  1. I lived in a world with a narsisistic man for 14 yrs. I was raped many times; he got a restraining order on me to keep me in ” my place”, and everything was all about him. Everything we ate and did was what he wanted to do and I had to give him sex first before going out.

    This man terrized me for 14 yrs. making it the only home I had – nowhere else to go. Then he rented the house out for a very cheap price, and we had to live in his ” man cave ” that I helped him build, thinking we would have a future together and make the house bigger for the two of us. But when he rented the front of the 1 bathroom house out, I had to ask to use the bathroom, I had to cook in the backyard, and wash dishes in a bar sink.

    His friends came through the backyard every morning n I couldn’t even get dressed as they could see me but he didn’t care. I was diagnosed with ptsd due to all of what he did. He would call the cops, n put me in jail for b n there against a restraining order, so he could bring another girl home after going to the bars. I am now away and with a very good man who treats me like I should be treated and more, but I will never get over this. I ended up homeless when I got out of jail, n he had the nerve AGAIN to ask me where I was n to come home. he recently called me at midnight, from a bar and asked how I was doing. I told him my boyfriend said to get off the phone. I said I was calling the cops on him for going against his own restraining order. but the cops don’t look at it that way. it’s against me, saying I hit him all the time n the ppl. living in the house agree with him so they don’t loose their ” home”. they are eating at MY dining room table and using MY china cabinet. mind you these are illegal ppl. in this country. my ex is not. I hate how I feel, and suffer a lot of anxiety. im seeking help but it’s not helping much. can you help me feel better about myself? btw- I was drowing my sorrows along with him in alcohol, and im now almost a year sober. thank you!

    • You don’t need me! You are a star in your own life story. You got out of a horror tale, you understand him and his abuse and you understand the pathology. You have a chance for a new path without him and found someone to treat you well. This, my friend makes YOU the expert. YOU need to love what you did, love yourself for it. Yes, it may not come easily right now, but give it time. Reframe your story. I wrote a slice of life essay called, My Life, Versions One and Two You can do the same. Perception is reality. Yours is that you are an amazing woman with an amazing story and lessons for others to learn from. Thank you, thank you for sharing. You are a hero in my eyes. Believe it. Best, Ann

  2. What this lady endured is beyond reason and no one should be subjected to this torture. It’s not human to treat anyone the way her partner treated her. She is an amazing survivor. My narcissitic partner filed a fraudulent Restraining Order against me claiming I wanted to “douse her with gasoline and set her ablaze”. She made no appearance at the Hearing and her claims thrown out. How do you explain the nature of Evil? I think this happens more often than people imagine when the Courts are used to press Manipulation and Control. I would definitely like to have a copy of Anne Bradley’s Brief filed in the Sixth Circuit of California as a record of narcissitic abuse. Thankyou and each one of you for bringing these Criminal Personalities to justice for their violations against humanity. With Kind Regards, Robb Walker

  3. This sounds worse than what I went through…may mine isn’t so bad. Asnof the day after Christmas I wad thrown oyt with no where to go. I have put up with years of name calling, accusations, pushing around, threats, and absolute confusion! I am now on my own dealing with starting a new life. I hope we all find happiness!

  4. I was living with a narcissist for two Years.
    For some reason he would get very irritable about things like fingerprints on the refrigerator and then start cussing at me saying I was a pig . I cleaned and did all the dishes he did nothing at home . All he did was criticize me. From the color of my toenail polish to the style of my hair I was never ok.

    He threw me outside his house at least ten times only to follow me home in tears begging me to gone home before I rvrn unpacked . I was so confused I would go back because I loved him .

    Then I checked his phone. He was having an affair with a client who thought he was single .
    I finally got away for good 9 months ago . He still tries to contact me
    Through email and texting so I blocked him .
    I have found a lot of reading online and it helped me realise what kind of situation I was in . I cried a lot but I’m better now .
    His friends think he’s so charming – he takes his neighbors sailing on his new yacht. I never could go – I had to work and he would never pick a date so I could get time off from work. Imagine a neighbors wife the first woman on the host he did was ours I was so belittled . They think he’s great .
    Anyways I’m moving on hoping to find a normal relationship and if not I’m ok by myself.

  5. I feel for everyone on this site! Thank you, thank you, thank you for having the courage to share this! I am trying to speak out against my own narcissistic abuser. Here is my story: https://realdanniaskini.wordpress.com/. She is a local politician currently running for office and she tries everything to keep me quiet! I have been threatened in various ways! I hope for every support I can get and I want to fight for anyone who has experienced abuse at the hands of a narcissist!

    • Fascinating! Thanks for sharing your story, sub text and all. I think getting it out in words will definitely help, not only you, but its always good for others to see they are not alone.

      One of my favorite sayings comes from Winston Churchill: “If you’re going through hell, keep on going.” It works – I say this from personal experience – and sounds like it will work for you. Thx again for sharing and best to you, Ann

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