Maybe you’ve tried setting boundaries, making compromises, thinking, “If I act nicer, things will get better.” Maybe you vow to be a survivor, not a victim, but it hasn’t happened yet.
Narcissistic abuse wears you down. Therapists and family think it is your fault. It’s time to take control and take back your life. If you had a narcissistic parent, you may still be dealing with the anger and shame from long ago.
Finding ways to take control is the beginning of the end of the abuse. Changing the way you think is the beginning of changing your life.
THE ONLY THING YOU CAN CHANGE IS YOURSELF
If you are here, you probably have been hurt by someone with narcissistic personality disorder or another form of abuse. It is painful to be deceived and in chaos from their manipulations. Waiting for them to get better is futile.
I was married to a narcissist, but I didn’t know it until we got divorced. That’s the kind I call stealth narcissists. They are in stealth mode until challenged. Other narcissists may show themselves in other ways. Divorcing him took strength and I had to learn about abusive divorce attorneys as well as abusive spouses. But you don’t have to go through this.
ONE MORNING CHANGED MY LIFE
I did graduate work at Stanford in psychology and it was there I learned about learned helplessness. Learned helplessness is the concept or belief you hold that nothing you do matters, that you cannot change anything.
I forgot about learned helplessness until one morning I woke up and it was on my mind and with an “aha” moment of clarity I realized I only thought I couldn’t change anything. From then on, I decided to change my beliefs, and from that change my actions.
ABC: Adversity, belief, consequence. From then onward my divorce changed. Not overnight, but crushing weight of stress was gone. I knew I could no longer see things as impossible. I had to change my beliefs about fear of abuse, and take action.
Waiting Won’t Help, It Makes Things Worse
Unfortunately, waiting makes you older, not wiser in this situation. The longer you are in a relationship with a manipulator or a verbal, physical or emotional abuser, the harder it is to leave. Information is your friend. If you don’t take action now, tomorrow may be too little, too late.