He smashed her and abused her and no one knew. She built him a house with her money and made him a home with her caring and raised their daughter with her love. He taunted her and teased and screamed and called her names. This is her story. For many of you, it is yours too.
If you want to understand, learn, prepare, and most of all, carry on, then this book comes first:
I rarely am drawn in so powerfully to a story of narcissistic conflict. But this is no ordinary story because we see abuse not only in the domestic arena but the systemic abuse of the legal system as well. The evaluators, therapists, lawyers, judges, all insert themselves into the divorce making it impossible to let the truth emerge. Ema brings the truth out, unwraps it and makes us see it upfront and raw. In her words are the injustices, the horrors big and small, the coping strategies and sometimes the daily events that make up a big life, well lived. This is a human story. If you are divorcing a narcissist, this is your story.
Here is her story. Hers is a gift for your aching and longing and pain and struggles.
The gift is her story of strength, courage, fear, determination, and how she morphs it into a life lesson for her daughter. And dear reader, for you. I promise you this compelling story will lift your heart, open your eyes, and most of all, encourage you on your journey.
Read her words:
Only recently have I realized that my yelling back, although not in front of my daughter, should have alerted me to my status as an object of abuse, because the only other person I have verbally confronted in this manner was my own bullying mother. In both domestic situations, my response has signified weakness. A strong woman, or girl, walks out!
But of course it is difficult to walk out of your life when you have a baby or young child. Also, my childhood habituated me to passively absorbing large doses of ill treatment before recognizing it as abuse and finding a way out.
In the first years of Bat-el’s life, when I imagined divorcing her father, I told myself that I must keep the family together for her sake.
However, I only spoke to my husband about divorce as a possibility when, in two incidents ten days apart, his violence spilled over onto Bat-el…
In the first incident, Ram grabbed a pitcher of water out of Bat-el’s hand, setting her off balance, and flung it into the sink while shrieking at her to clean up the liquid that she had accidentally spilled. In the second incident, he shook her in the air above the bed where I was sleeping, screamed at her to stop making noise in my high heels, and told her, “Go fuck yourself.”