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Losing Your Mind to Hate and Learning the Way Out

 

strategy narcissist

Viktor Frankl was an amazing man who changed the therapy profession. I wrote about Frankl and logotherapy in my book in a section called Dark Days, Dangerous Actions: I Am Taken By Surprise

There is no reason or need for abuse in a divorce. Food, shelter, and health care are all related to money which is used as control for basic needs. I do not trivialize my pain, my son’s, or that of others when I encourage humor as a survival tool. People survive depersonalization through a strong sense of self which is a place from which humor springs. It is the ability to put in perspective what is going on and rise above it.

One woman I interviewed is so compelling in her continued fight against a wealthy abuser spouse, (and as I see her move from mansion to office building, clutching at the law in hopes that one part somewhere, may work for her) I stand in awe at the human spirit.

Many therapies developed post World War II are based on the ultimate depersonalization: Nazi death camps. Psychiatrist Victor Frankl found in the death camps an existential affirmation of life was the only workable response to extreme conditions.  Afraid of homelessness, poverty, afraid my son or myself was going to die, I felt the horror of extreme conditions on an individual basis. I had done nothing wrong, but I was being brought down. I asked for food money and medical care and had the door shoved in my face. So did my 14 year old who ran  screaming through the streets when his father refused to give him food. 

Frankl’s “logotherapy” was based on lesson from Auschwitz and brought into the realm of everyday therapy – the creating of meaning for survival. Following him were Bruno Bettelheim and others such as Terrence Des Pres who claimed that survivors refuse to define themselves as victims and their “refusal to be determined by forces external to themselves” is critical
to their survival.

What I saw happening in the divorce industry was a failure of the society to monitor itself – societal values we cherish and expect evaporated. I remember waking one morning and not wanting to live in a world where children were deprived of food, mothers were “taught lessons” and forced to listen to threats of their welfare because they were the enemy in a war they didn’t know existed.
I was seeing depersonalization…

If you can handle it, or want to know how we survived, and became happy and won , you have to wade through traumas and pain and lessons and tactics and strategy that works.  You can find it in my book. But it isn’t for everyone. Only if you want winning with a side of insight forged in pain. see here for pdf version DIVORCE and LAWYERS   

or on Amazon

Ann Bradley

3 Comments

  1. I am so thankful i stumbled across your site. I am heading to my first RO hearing after my rage-induced EX fiancee physically attacked me and smashed the windshield of my car. His attorney is wanting to “work this out” in a settlement before, but his spin is that it was a drunken brawl between lovers and I attacked my mate! I am concerned, as I have experienced “justice” in small claims court. How do I word my settlement proposal in a way that has legal teeth that force results I want. And how can I prepare myself for court, if my attorney may just want to push this through the system, no matter the outcome? I live in the bay area.

    • This is the only person I know who can make magic happen. He works behind the scenes (unbundling is the word, he is not attorney of record) and knows exactly how to word things so you get your point across calmly in a manner the court likes to hear. You can’t force results but you can facilitate the ones you want. No drama mama stunts! What he does, works. You don’t have to get rid of your attorney to use him. He was invaluable in my case and the many I have referred to him. I know attorneys who have used him to write their motions. Call him, tell him I referred you, he will listen and see if he can help. Alternative Legal Services of Calif
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