What
Is Carl Sagan Doing In My Divorce?
In a
speech at Wheaton College, Carl
Sagan spoke of how we share 99.6% of our active
genes with
chimpanzees. He described male chimps as aggressive, female
chimps he
says are not as aggressive.
When under stress, male chimps become angry, pick up
stones and hold
them in their
palms to hurl at the target of their anger. Female chimps,
he tells
us, walk up to the
angry males, pry open
their fingers, remove the stones, and drop them on the
ground.
I tried to take the stones from
Jim for eight years. I tried
talking, writing, compromising,
settling, negotiations, begging, tears
and anger. I tried to be the peacemaker, but not
a doormat. That was unacceptable to him. He wanted to control the terms
but they
harm me.
I
finally realized that not only doesn't it work with bullies and
controllers, but you end
up looking
stupid. I hadn't read The Rules of Power then. I didn't know the
flames
would
reignite unless the enemy was crushed completely. Now I know.
Hiding Assets
When he told me he was hiding income, keeping double books and
shredding invoices,
I thought, "No man is going to want to go to court
with that and be exposed." I waited,
calling him, writing emails,
talking to Jeff Kaufman,
telling them I wanted to settle. I
couldn't fathom at that time
that he would want a trial. I waited months asking him to stop
taking my money, telling him I
needed medical care and he had all the money, telling Jeff we
were financially marginalized. All I got from Jim was 1 800 Call
My Lawyer.
He didn't care,
he was busy with women and buying toys.
I
had all the evidence of fraud. He thought I could never prove it
so he
was cocky.
He always said I never understood accounting. That's
true. But when you are
cheated, you can learn a lot.<> I
knew my proof was good. I talked to several accountants
about the
double invoices, the little marks Jim made to differentiate the ones
with the real
numbers from the ones he changed and showed the IRS. The
customer got the higher
numbered ones. I also told them he
shredded invoices. They all told me "You can't
prove a negative." in
referring to the shredded invoices. Well, maybe they couldn't.
But I could and I did.
Change
We all look back
at the journey of our lives to see how
we became who we are. I look
back and watch the metamorphosis of
a little girl from Philadelphia, naive and sweet who
grew up and out of that in this divorce. The change is good, it feels
good and it brings
power.