I Can’t Move On If You Are Standing on My Toes: After Narcissism


I was sitting in a room with two attorneys and my former husband and on the chalkboard was this quote: “The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.”
 The four of us were together for a collaborative law meeting.  One of the attorneys said, “I like that quote but I don’t understand it.”  Over a year later we were no further along and in fact my former husband and I were even worse off.

The quote is from Albert Einstein and if you are in a problem situation and you can’t comprehend the simple, elegant logic of that statement, I assure you, the problems will never go away.

Problems have solutions.  We may not know them, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist.  Trying to solve life situations or problems by faulty logic or clichéd fuzzy emotional sayings isn’t going to solve them.  “It’s all for the best. ” (How do you know?).  “Win-win.”  (He stole from me. Why should he win anything else?)  “Just move on.” (I would but you’re stepping on my toes.)

Oprah isn’t going to save you, lawyers certainly won’t, and therapists with analysis paralysis syndrome won’t, and unless you take the hero’s journey, you aren’t going to save yourself, either.

What is the hero’s journey and how does an everyday person commuting on the freeway from home to work take such a journey?

The hero’s journey is the life path we take.  We find that no matter what we do, how much we try and how hard we work, our life is  full of potholes, trauma, despair, things we never expected, temptations, and the feelings of failure.  And then we stand up to them, find a way around, make do, accept some, fight others, change what we can, teach others, love, and when we get tired we teach the lessons to others and pass the wisdom on, The Hero’s Journay is a life well lived, with all its problems, and the wisdom shared.

Doing so brings meaning to the trauma we have survived and allows us to share the journey’s lessons. Pain is not destiny but a place we grow from.

I write about narcissism so we can all move on, in our way, with the things we want and deserve, because we want to, not because we are told to,  and I will never step on your toes.

Ann Bradley

One Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *