I am divorcing a narcissist. We were only married for a year and during that year, we had a daughter together. My N was angry because he had wanted a son. When we separated, our daughter was only 2 months old. I had spent the past year watching the N change immediately after we married, watching him lie and manipulate. I decided to do some manipulation back. I did not know what narcissism was then, I only knew that I was really unhappy and I felt I had to protect my daughter from him and his parents. My N's family is well situated financially. His parents are nasty to the core...his father was an upper echelon member of the Waffen SS in Germany during WWII. I was concerned that the N and his parents may take our daughter and return to Germany where they came from ten years ago. I went to see a lawyer and expressed my concerns about this situation. I told him that I wanted sole custody of our daughter. He told me what to do.STORY TWODivorce, Custody and Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissism takes many forms, that's why stories are so valuable: they inform and let us learn from one another. From this story I am reminded of the saying: "It always amazes those who are evil that the good can be so clever."
At this point, I was making a determined effort to get along with my N even though we were separated. He believed we would get back together. I let him believe this while I presented him with the legal papers signing over sole custody of our daughter to me. He signed them without a second thought, saying "Well, this doesn't matter anyway. We are getting back together." I continued to let him think that for a few more months and let him have unrestricted visitation with our daughter so long as I was present. When it finally dawned on the N that I was not coming back to him, he became vicious. He immediately found a former girlfriend and started a relationship within 24 hours of our final breakup. Then he did not call or see our daughter for two months because he did not want to talk to me. When he finally spoke to me, it was to threaten me with a custody battle. When I pointed out there would be no such thing as he had already signed her over to me, he thought he could have it changed with no problem because he wanted it changed.
At this time he and his girlfriend decided that our daughter did not look like him and he publicly declared he wanted a paternity test...at the same time as he is threatening me with a custody suit!! Talk about firing off in all directions!! He even lied to his lawyer for more than a year, telling him that custody of our daughter had not been resolved legally! When my lawyer faxed over the 18 months old custody order signed by the N, the N.'s lawyer was furious he had been lied to. He told the N he had stupidly signed away ALL of his rights, except for five hours of visitation a week, with his daughter. The N still wanted to fight me for custody but his lawyer told him that since he had not seen nor called about our daughter for two weeks, the fact that he rarely takes advantage of his five hours with her a week on a consistent basis and the public denouncement of her as his daughter meant that the N did not have an ice cube's chance in hell of getting anything and that he might even lose what he has now.
I feel I did a very smart thing in having my N husband sign over custody of our daughter to me. He would have put me through even more hell than ever, legally, to punish me for not wanting him back as my husband. I am watching my girlfriend go through a custody battle with another N and it is pure misery, lies and backstabbing on his part. He wants to take his three children with him to his job in Baku - a country which is surrounded by the countries of Iran, Iraq and the Persian Gulf - and sees no danger in taking them there despite the imminent threat of a war breaking out with this part of the world! Amazing!