a Palo Alto attorney says: Ann, I am reading your book. I have several cases that have narcissists in them. Your book explains what happens with them in a divorce. You are helping many people by explaining this dynamic and the impact in divorce.
| "Shall I hit her over the head with a 2x4?"
asked Kaufman to my husband. |
Attorney Jeffrey Kaufman of Palo Alto changed the dynamics of my divorce from the moment Jim hired him. Prior to hiring Mr. Kaufman, Jim was, if not fair, at least semi reasonable.
We were talking. And then we weren't.
Jeff goaded him on and the war began. But Kaufman didn't stop there. He actively assisted in defrauding the court and was reported to the Bar not only by me, but by another attorney.
My lesson in the importance of opposing counsel began when Jeff came on the case. Everything I need to know about greed, ego and lack of legal ethics I learned from Kaufman. (The full story can be found in my book.)
Jim called when he returned from hiring Kaufman. Jeff asked if Jim wanted him to hit me over the head with a 2x4. It's a strategy, but most people don't know about it until they get a pit bull lawyer in their case.
The worst was yet to come. I was a sitting duck for dirty tricks. Every naive spouse is. The big bad wolf was at my door, in my face, and his teeth were in my neck. He knew every trick and he pulled them. His goal: financially marginalize me into giving up. He almost made it. My son screamed at night: "Make him stop, he's throwing javelins at my heart."
I am not alone in being the target of a hostile attorney. Jeff got me. But I got him back and that wasn't something he expected.
SUPERSIZE ME: How Jeff Kaufman Gets Clients and Uses Them to Make Money and Destroy Their Spouse
Since my divorce, I met clients of Jeffrey Kaufman including one who hired me as a consultant.
In an area of high retainers where $20K is small, Jeff asks for $5000. Thrilled with such a small amount in the land of supersized retainers, he is hired. He makes his money by egging them on....""You aren't going to let him get away with that are you?" And the battle begins. Battles cost money. Look up Jeff online and see his cases. They go on for years and he has a lot in trial. More than most. He's churning. He's good at that. "You aren't going to let her treat you like that are you?" If you hear that from an attorney, he's churning your emotions to get at your pocketbook. When Kaufman found out my husband had access to a trust fund, he went ballistic on me.
Buyer beware.
DIVORCING IN CALIFORNIA?
PROTECT YOURSELF from expensive warrior attorneys! Divorce Mistakes You Don't Have to Make
Jeff Calls to Let Me Know My Future
When he called to tell me that by the time he was through with me I would have nothing, I was traumatized. By the time he was finished with me, I was physically ill.
Jeffrey Kaufman should come with a warning label: This attorney is damaging to the health and welfare of mothers and children. My son had him figured out. He told the head of the Palo Alto SWAT Team what Jeffrey did to us. (Jeff, if you are reading this, call me, we'll do discovery and you can find out why and how this scene took place.)
Hostile opposing counsels are energy vampires. They suck you dry. They waste your time, your money and screw up your kid's life. What Jeffrey didn't expect was that after I went through a phase of learned helplessness, I made a decision: Jeff Kaufman could do what he wanted to me and my son - I could not stop him. But whatever he did, the CA STATE BAR would know about and it would be recorded for others to learn from.
Thanks to Kaufman, I took that 2x4 and put it in the electrons. Out of his bag of dirty tricks, a flower grew in the form of a book. Hundreds and hundreds of people now know about dirty divorce tricks, power and greed in the legal system and just how bad it can get. I wrote the story of my divorce - of Jeff Kaufman - as guidebook and warning. The favorite testimonial I saw was not one given to me, it was on the internet: "There are only two divorce books worth reading, "Splitting" and Ann Bradley's ebook." I am honored. Splitting is written by an attorney, William Eddy.
For many things, many thanks must be given. For putting me through hell, I grew.
excerpts from my book DIVORCE: The Real Truth, The Hidden Dangers
This excerpt describes some of my attempts to open lines of communication. I was stonewalled by either no response to my requests or blamed and punished for them.
Stonewalling (responding with silence) is, in the hierarchy of verbal abuse tactics, considered the most damaging to the target.
I was an "early adopter" of collaborative methods in my divorce. What I didn't know was that Jeffrey wanted to milk this for all it was worth. Despite his client's IRS fraud, the trust scams, the hidden assets, he wanted a trial. A trial meant protracted litigation and more fees.
I have a letter he wrote to Jim (no, of course I am not supposed to have it!) and he threatened to take me to trial if I don't behave. This was month one. "Ain't Misbehaving" isn't my theme song and Jeff was about to get more than he bargained for.
excerpt
How I Became a "Trouble-Maker" as The Attorney Gains more Control
Ann Bradley, 2003
I tried to communicate with my husband - I wrote emails, left phone messages. He
ignored them. I tried to discuss our son and the pain this divorce caused him. I asked for
assistance and wanted to negotiate. I had terror of going to trial and continuing the
devastation to my son and myself. He wouldn't answer his phone, so I left messages.
I asked my husband to help our son by stopping the divorce war. His attorney called me
a trouble-maker. Manipulating situations to the detriment of everyone, this attorney
went unchecked. An attorney can be counterproductive to your case and it is possible
you may never see it. I don't think my spouse sees this although it is obvious to the
other attorneys. My son was home three days a week, sick from the stress. The
therapist said, "These are life and death situations, school comes second." I felt very
alone in a barbaric world where a father doesn't care for his child because he listens to
his attorney.
Sending a letter at the beginning of the school year to my husband, through the
attorneys, asking to put aside our differences and work with me to give our son a good
year I hoped to work with him to help our son. No response. I asked verbally. He said,
"You have five minutes on the phone, start now." I wanted to meet with him, discuss
the issues, but he snarled, "I don't talk to you, I don't have time." A letter from his
attorney stating he will "take action" if I continue to communicate would arrive after this.
I think of Alice in Wonderland: "Sentence first, verdict later!." Ridiculous behavior? Of
course it is, but used methodically, with malicious intent, it CAN be very dangerous.
Attorneys can cause a lot of damage. They can wrap a cocoon around you, spinning
tales of success and revenge and put in motion a systematic plan to destroy your
spouse. No one wins when this happens. I later found out this attorney, Jeffrey Kaufman,
takes a large number of his cases to trial. Although the state does much to discourage this, there is
little it can do against an attorney who finds this a lucrative career path and is
comfortable doing so.
If your spouse is causing severe problems in your divorce, consider this: (or the
equivalent for your state, this is for California) "Serious parental strife and inability
to cooperate with the other parent are reasons to deny request for joint legal
custody." In re Marriage of McLoren (1988) 202 Cal.App.3d 108, (However,
keep in mind, there may be reasons for a protective parent to not want to co-
operate with the other parent such as sex and other abuse. The courts often fail
to recognize this.)
Attorney Tanya Starnes in her book, Mad at Your Lawyer , devotes a chapter to
opposing counsel problems. Entitled, 'Taking Action Against the Lawyer for the Other
Side', she explains what action you can take against what acts. It is no surprise she
opens with, "Is the lawyer for your adversary unfairly getting in the way of settling your
divorce case?"
Divorce lawyers are complained about more than any other. Mothers,
watching the house of horrors, are shocked and in awe of what happens to their
children, and how they are betrayed and manipulated to "get a win." All blame however
is not on the attorney for escalation of legal maneuvers. If your spouse is angry enough,
or callous enough, or personality disordered enough, to refuse to talk and likes the
thought of using dirty divorce tactics, then responsibility lies there also. (continued in book)