EVIL
M.Scott Peck and Sam Vaknin disagree on whether narcissists are evil.
Is it evil to belittle, denigrate, scapegoat, and make fun of someone until they are demoralized, subjugated, and traumatized? Is the verbal and emotional abuser who keeps his victim in suspense and fear an evil person? Is the person with the need to control others evil?
According to M. Scott Peck, M.D, psychiatrist and author of The People of The Lie, the answer is yes.
According to Peck, most of us view a situation in light of how we are affected by it and only as an afterthought do we stop to consider how it might affect others involved; we do eventually consider the viewpoint of the other.
Not so those who are evil. Theirs is a brand of narcissism so total that they seem to lack this capacity for empathy…. We can see then, that their narcissism makes the evil dangerous not only because it motivates them to scapegoat others, but also because it deprives them of the restraint that results from empathy and respect for others….The evil need victims to sacrifice to their narcissism, their narcissism permits them to ignore the humanity of their victims as well. ..The blindness of the narcissist to others can extend beyond a lack of empathy; narcissists may not “see” others at all.
Stopping The Narcissist and Concept of Evil
If you have ever lived in quiet desperation fearing the release of age from the narcissist, then decided to stop the abuse, you have been the victim of a campaign designed to destroy you. It is as systematic and well thought out as that of any battle plan of war.
Sam Vaknin disagrees:
As opposed to what Scott Peck says, narcissists are not evil – they lack the intention to cause harm. They are simply indifferent, callous and careless in their conduct and in their treatment of their fellow humans.
I read this and recognize the narcissism in the words. Because Sam is a narcissist, he can say “simply indifferent”. Sam does not see that indifference is not simple. The results of indifference, callousness and carelessness are destructive and malignant. In a talk he gave at the White House, Elie Wiesel, concentration camp survivor and philosopher, says that from anger and hatred we can often make a difference, but to be indifferent is evil.
Using the argument that by definition evil people have no choice in their actions (even if it harms them, they will choose the morally wrong act) Vaknin argues that narcissists will act with malevolence only if it benefits them, but not if they are harmed. Does this prove narcissists are not evil? or does it show us they are smarter? or maybe we cannot partition evil into “partly evil” as we cannot be ‘very unique’ or ‘a little pregnant’?
Vaknin addresses this in a question at the crux of this discussion: are the words good and evil, used as opposites, appropriate for describing behavior of a narcissist? Or is there a continuum and we do not have a rich enough diversity of language to describe the moral condition of the narcissist? It would not be the first time language has acted as barrier to thought.
Scott Peck describes for us the characteristics of the personality disorder that encompasses evil:
- consistent destructive scapegoating, often subtle
- excessive, usually covert intolerance to criticism
- pronounced concern with public image, denial of vengeful motives
- intellectual deviousness with likelihood of mild schizoid disturbance
Children and Evil
(the child living in the midst of evil) can emotionally survive only by a massive fortification of its psyche. While….essential for survival through childhood, they distort and compromise its life as an adult….Children of evil parents enter adulthood with very significant psychiatric disturbances. To come to terms with evil in one’s parentage is perhaps the most difficult and painful psychological task a human being can be called on to face. Most fail and remain its victims. Those who succeed in developing the necessary searing vision are those who can name it. “To come to terms” means to “arrive at the name.”
Surviving Evil
Evil then must be named but doing so can be enormously frightening. It means that some must do battle with a destructive psychological (not supernatural) force.
The ones most in need of help are those that choose or must stay with a narcissist, or those that divorce them. Divorce a narcissist and you will find every characteristic magnified and enlarged. Divorce a narcissist with a narcissistic lawyer and you are the victim of a reign of terror.
It does not have to be divorce, it could be any lawsuit or other such campaign. It is the opposition, the challenge to the narcissist’s world view and the need to control that unleashes the campaign to destroy.
There were no examples in Dr. Peck’s book that appeared to be as evil as what I have seen. I have seen evil that has torn a child from normality, taken the voice of the child so he could not speak and impaled such jolts of evil that the child would awake in terror screaming. “They’re throwing javelins at me, oh, the pain, the pain” and clutch his heart and chest in agony and fall into a coma like sleep for hours.
Evil leaves its mark at the cellular level. There is a physiology to evil. Cells are imprinted at the moment terror engulfs us. Brain cells are destroyed by stress and facing evil is neverending stress. The body never leaves flight or fight mode. Children silently suffer the slings and arrows of the narcissistic parent who is unable to care. What happens to the child is of no concern to the narcissist, he must prevail no matter the cost. The child as collateral damage is unimportant. Winning is everything.
Can you survive the evil and the abuse? Yes, though it won’t be easy. Stay with the narcissist and you may be damaged. Some can leave and they are changed - stronger, wounded, wiser, educated in the techniques of disengaging and mindfulness. A journey, deep and dangerous has been made by those who have been companions with “the people of the lie.”
Do you need to talk more about the narcissist in your life? Having trouble with your divorce? Need to reclaim control away from your narcissist? Visit our page of consultations and books to discover your options.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I think evil is a human construct to make an opposite for the idea of good and if you think of scale with good on one end and evil on the other end….it seems the line between good and evil blurs and even more so if you only take parts of a person and add it to the scale. For example, Sally is very giving and shares everything…she is almost all good on the scale, but she is also a very jealous person….she is almost evil on the scale.
If there is true evil, it would be a rare event. For I believe that humans are neither good or evil, but are on a different level of personal awareness and awareness that the world stretches beyond just themselves. As a young child, they do not understand that there is a world beyond themselves and so they appear very selfish, indifferent and tempermental. We would never call a 4 year old evil because we understand their stage of development and that all children at this age are pretty much the same. Perhaps the narcissistic or evil adult stopped developing at this critical age and never acquired a world beyond themselves. We seem them as evil, but to them they are not trying to be evil. They are instead just acting as they feel entitled to. They have no insight into what they are doing and it would be equally as difficult to make a 4 year old see that they are indifferent and selfish.
I think in order to be evil, you have to understand what evil is and have a desire or a wish to be evil…..to understand and be cognizant that what you are doing is evil. If you do not have self awareness or insight into your own behaviour and do not feel in anyway you are evil and may even believe you are a victim instead of an abuser, I do not think we can say this person is evil.
I believe both men’s perspective have merit.
I married twice, both incredible narcissists. (married my mother, really, both times!)
#1 knew he was the “vainest man in the world.” That name given by his first wife, he used to think it was both funny and true. He isn’t evil so much as selfish, self-centered and controlling. He DID, finally, have an epiphany about how he treated me and why. He really was deeply sorry, but his determined route to self-destruction (and aversion to actually working) sure didn’t bring me back to him, his abuse was physical and verbal. He did know how to apologize and there were times he made attempts to control himself. He failed because he is a weak, angry, self-centered man.
#2 hub, Well, this quote describes him to a T:” Not so those who are evil. Theirs is a brand of narcissism so total that they seem to lack this capacity for empathy…. We can see then, that their narcissism makes the evil dangerous not only because it motivates them to scapegoat others, but also because it deprives them of the restraint that results from empathy and respect for others….The evil need victims to sacrifice to their narcissism, their narcissism permits them to ignore the humanity of their victims as well. ..The blindness of the narcissist to others can extend beyond a lack of empathy; narcissists may not “see” others at all. ” #2 is truly, unrelenting, and viciously evil. ZREO empathy…altho he had a scare with bladder cancer early in our marriage (none found) when I was found with a mass in my uterus, and both symptoms and a sonogram indicated (possibly stage 4) uterine cancer, his explosive reaction was, “Yer making too much of this, I am NOT giving up my (annual, 3 week) vacation for a scrape, and if you have cancer, there’s not a damned thing I can do about it anyway.”
#2 only sees people who can advance him, mostly financially, but boost his ego, as well. He has used our two children unmercifully, as well, of course me. He juggles 3 women at a time (not including his wives/steady)but can tell the most outrageous lies to each, and about each. Emotionally abusive, emotionally manipulative, and without real emotion (other than rage) he is a superb actor, being able to go from brave undercover agent to tears to the police (who I had to call to get into my own home!) for “finding her, omigod, everyone has been so worried! You have to stop disappearing like this, Baby, I was called in from the field, I was conducting a covert operation, for the Department of Homeland Security, the neighbors hadn’t seen her for months, they thought the place was abandoned, because of this crazy woman who I love, but I love my country more, I had to divorce her!” to self effacing and downplaying his enormous contribution to the National Security of our beloved country, wiping another tear from his eye “started working for the Feds when I was in ‘Nam, Special Forces, can’t tell you what I did or do now, either. Wouldn’t, if I could, still have nightmares,” to a concerned homeowner, “Look, officers, I have renters coming in in two days, let’s get this situation under control, shall we?” All this within 4 minutes….
for the record…he never was in Special Forces, ‘Nam, nor did he divorce me, I did him and boy is he still angry about it. Still claims he’s married, works under cover with the CIA, and his poor beknighted chicks, who think they are going out with a short, fat James Bond married to a crazy woman who “has never known what I do for a living, her craziness would jeopardize our national Security. My job is my cover, my cell phone is classified, I can call you, but you must NEVER call me” still, after being apart for 9 years and divorced for 3, track me down, and demand I let him go…His lovely, truly a nice person, 4 year relationship steady, (who does know what he does) quite well off, is being heavily pressured to buy him a house, far away from all her family and friends….just like he did with me…
Our Second child made a serious attempt at suicide, and his enraged phone call to me, “I can’t afford this bill, stupid bitch can’t do anything right, not even commit suicide right.” First Child (both are in their early 20′s), is a marvelous, but still neurotic, Daddy Issues, success, within the pro sports field. He has never forgiven his (wonderful! terrific woman) daughter from his first marriage for never dating and marrying a well known sports figure from their upper MidWest hometown, he’s figgering our daughter is gonna make him famous! (I already made him rich, and because he’s a narcissist, he’s purty well blown thru the money in 3 years). He blames me and our #2 daughter for #2 not being a PERFECT SON. She was his last chance for a PERFECT SON (his only son is a very high functioning, independent asperger’s) and she and I blew it.
He blames his short stature for never having been a success in anything (despite his claim to me he was a wonderful success in radio “but my wife took all my money.”)
However, at the ripe old age of 70, (and several cosmetic surgeries) he has found a modicum of success with his acting abilities…he works as a spokesperson, part time, for a Federal agency. As one daughter said to me, “He shoulda done this 30 years ago, Mama, he’s the total center of attention, gets to travel, be on tv and radio, and get paid for acting sincere, about stuff he really doesn’t give a crap.”
“Vaknin argues that narcissists will act with malevolence only if it benefits them and not harms them.” #2 hub acted/acts malevolently to me, in creepy, and stalker ways, and he has crossed lines that now, with strength that I’ve had to muster, shall harm him. But he’s such a narcissist, he doesn’t believe I can act on protecting myself at all, that the police are so conned, I won’t win.
It takes tremendous strength to finally fight back, and one cannot while living with one, evil, or not. Therapists, especially female therapists, are useless with dealing with a male, emotional abuser, narcissist, the acting abilities of one are so tremendous, and feed the therapists ego, especially if the narcissist can muster tears and snot running down the face and chin!
Both Peck and Vankin are correct, but whether a narcissist is evil or just an emotionally stunted person, depends on the individual and how he affects those closest to him, and how he chooses friends, and how fast he makes enemies(even only in his own head). And whether he is caught and called out, or not…..by their fruits, you shall know them.