The Narcissist
Certain characteristics appear with stunning regularity among narcissists.
Since narcissism is on a continuum, some will have more than others.
These apply to males and females.
1. Self-centered. His needs are paramount.
2. No remorse for mistakes or misdeeds.
3. Unreliable, undependable.
4. Does not care about the consequences of his actions.
5. Projects faults on to others. High blaming behavior; never his fault.
6. Little if any conscience.
7. Insensitive to needs and feelings of others.
8. Has a good front (persona) to impress and exploit others.
9. Low stress tolerance. Easy to anger and rage.
10. People are to be manipulated for his needs.
11. Rationalizes easily. Twists conversation to his gain at other’s expense. If trapped, keeps talking, changes the subject or gets angry.
12. Pathological lying.
13. Tremendous need to control situations, conversations, others.
14. No real values. Mostly situational.
15. Often perceived as caring and understanding and uses this to manipulate.
16. Angry, mercurial, moods.
17. Uses sex to control
18. Does not share ideas, feelings, emotions.
19. Conversation controller. Must have the first and last word.
20. Is very slow to forgive others. Hangs onto resentment.
21. Secret life. Hides money, friends, activities.
22. Likes annoying others. Likes to create chaos and disrupt for no reason.
23. Moody – switches from nice guy to anger without much provocation.
24. Repeatedly fails to honor financial obligations.
25. Seldom expresses appreciation.
26. Grandiose. Convinced he knows more than others and is correct in all he does.
27. Lacks ability to see how he comes across to others. Defensive when confronted with his behavior. Never his fault.
28. Can get emotional, tearful. This is about show or frustration rather than sorrow.
29. He breaks woman’s spirits to keep them dependent.
30. Needs threats, intimidations to keep others close to him.
31. Sabotages partner. Wants her to be happy only through him and to have few or no outside interests and acquaintances.
32. Highly contradictory.
33. Convincing. Must convince people to side with him.
34. Hides his real self. Always “on”
35. Kind only if he’s getting from you what he wants.
36. He has to be right. He has to win. He has to look good.
37. He announces, not discusses. He tells, not asks.
38. Does not discuss openly, has a hidden agenda.
39. Controls money of others but spends freely on himself.
40. Unilateral condition of, “I’m OK and justified so I don’t need to hear your position or ideas”
41. Always feels misunderstood.
42. You feel miserable with this person. He drains you.
43. Does not listen because he does not care.
44. His feelings are discussed, not the partners.
45. Is not interested in problem-solving.
46. Very good at reading people, so he can manipulate them. Sometimes called gaslighting.
CLICK HERE to learn about breaking up with a narcissist
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I really value what you’re writing here. Keep going that way. Take care!
The stories of the crazy jealous ex’s that don’t let their partners have fun, friends, a facebook or even practice their own religion are the product of narcissistic behavior.
I attracted narcissists. I had been in relationships with three and was friends with many more. I was asked to do favors and had been put down all in the same sentence. I put up with them because I felt like I understood the disease. I felt like they were the result of a bad upbringing and that it wasn’t their fault they were this way. Furthermore, I felt like this consumer/dog-eat-dog society brings it out in normal people and exacerbates the issues for narcissists. I thought I could help, I could show them the right way and I also felt deeply sorry for them. Then, I got beat up by two of them, two separate times. Both occasions were when I broke up with them.
In my experience, narcissist cannot be fixed. Red flags are key.
I think it is extremely important to review and remember this list to help avoid narcissists if you haven’t already, or haven’t experienced one yet.
Nice guys finish last in these relationships. My current boyfriend was previously married to a narcissist. She was really funny looking, but took professional airbrushed photos of herself and stared at them all day to convinced herself otherwise. She never got a job or became educated because she believed her mother messed her up. She threatened suicide every time he tried to leave. She threw tantrums when she didn’t get what she wanted. She used him for his money, took away all of his freedoms and in the end when he had had enough, he couldn’t even tell her what was wrong with her. He told her he was gay. It was the only way out without another suicide threat. Well, when I left, I got chased down and beat. That’s what happens when you’re not careful enough with the break. (The flip-side sucks, just say you’re gay.)
In retrospect, narcissists have been the most destructive force in my and my significant others life. What’s worse is that they’ll never know that. They’re never to blame, and their actions are always justified. For example, my boyfiend’s ex almost killed herself and their kids in the back seat trying to beat her own mother while she was driving (women are violent too). Before the police took her to jail she threatened suicide. In custody court she said it was because she was “threatened for her own safety” as she didn’t know what to do with her life or how to take care of herself. Her reason is typical narcissistic deranged reality crap. And, if someone threatens suicide so frequently and never tries or dies, they’re just trying to control or manipulate their way out of some consequence they don’t like. I’d be surprised to hear if any narcissist ever committed suicide.. ha!
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