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narcissus

What Is Narcissism?

….it is verbal abuse, physical abuse,  put downs, manipulation, betrayal, lack of empathy, accusations, failure to communicate, lack of intimacy.  What is Narcissism?  It is all of this and more.  Relationships are never easy but an abusive one is damaging in so many ways.

Ann Bradley, M.A. is a consultant, coach, speaker, the author of Let’s Talk About Narcissism; DIVORCE: The Real Truth and Hidden Dangers and Power Guide for Women.  Ann’s books are available on Amazon Kindle, iTunes, the Nook as well as PDF.  She attended the University of Pennsylvania, Antioch College and Stanford University (Ph.D graduate studies).  Ann is a certified positive psychology coach who studied with Martin Seligman, PhD. from the University of Pennsylvania. She has extensive experience working with high conflict divorces and the men and women involved in them.

What is Narcissism? What is Narcissistic abuse?

When the infrastructure of a building is gone the collapse is inevitable.

We use that analogy to draw us in to the collapse of a life; a collapse orchestrated by a narcissistic wife or husband with assistance from the legal system. From that collapse, arises terror, fear, pain and loss of voice. But listen carefully, for brave voices thunder through the universe with truth and power and refusal to accept the silencing. These voices embraces pain and demand justice. This is a hero’s journey: a heart motivated fury, outrage tempered with wisdom and these voices are a gift to all of us.

What is narcissism?

Narcissism is categorized as a personality disorder by the mental health profession.  It is referred to as NPD or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Few are ever diagnosed because few go to therapy.  Narcissism is not high self-esteem, but a condition where the typical narcissist suffers from

  • Preoccupation with hiding real or perceived flaws
  • Overestimation of importance, achievements, talents and skills
  • Maladaptive attention seeking behavior
  • Inability to empathize with others
  • Excessive anger and shame in response to criticism often resulting in rage

The narcissist will often manipulate others, especially partners, to control them.  Projection and blame are hallmarks of this manipulation.  It is estimated that 85% of narcissists are males. This site respects all victims of emotional abuse, both male and female.

KNOWING YOU ARE NOT ALONE IS IMPORTANT

Many people think they are the only ones victimized but you are not and you are in very good company. You don’t have to suffer when you leave, and you can learn from what others know.  Men – don’t be alarmed that it refers to narcissistic men – we know it is just as applicable to women.

 

 Breaking Up With A Narcissist?

Alone In Your Struggle?

Learn Today How To Take Control And Feel Better Tomorrow

coping with a narcissist

Coping With A Narcissist

What It Means To Be With a Narcissist and One Way of Coping

About You

It isn’t easy being you. You might be unsure yourself if you are with an abuser because they can so easily turn on the charm or maybe they might say, “C’mon, aren’t you being too sensitive? What’s the matter with you?” And there you are again, back in the cycle of abuse.  You might be questioning yourself and asking, “Why can’t I make him happy? What am I doing wrong?”   It isn’t easy being you when he says, “You make me be this way.”  And it isn’t easy being you when you wonder if you’ve wasted your whole life and if it has any meaning. And it isn’t easy when you think about leaving and get scared because you don’t know any other life.

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divorce book cover

Divorce: The Real Truth and Hidden Dangers

A book that takes you into the legal system with a narcissist and his lawyer and guides you out again with insight and real life experience.

“THANKS, Ann,  for sharing your story and insights into family lawyers. Your story, the interviews and your courage helped me not give up. And to plan – just as you said to do. I learned about lawyers and their tricks from you.”  Palo Alto, CA  litigant

Divorcing a narcissist is hardball divorce.
S/he will push every button, attack on every front and disregard the truth.

———————————————————————————————————————————

How Bad Can Your Spouse’s Lawyer Make the Divorce?
Very, very bad.

Add a pit bull lawyer to a narcissist and you have trouble.
Learn what can happen to you.

I take you behind the scenes of a divorce in California that should never have gone to trial and went to the appeals court. This is my story. Don’t let this happen to you.
Are you unsure of what divorcing a narcissist is really like?
Do you worry your spouse is going to lie to the court?
Do you wonder if you might lose everything tha matters including custody?

“The narcissist makes a divorce a battleground and you are the enemy.

Keep reading, because . . .

You’re About to Uncover the REAL Reason

Why You’re Going Around in Circles

Divorce is a huge industry.  This book explores what that means to you.

Preparation is the best thing you can do to protect yourself.  Learn what the legal system can do and how to protect yourself.

DIVORCE: THE REAL TRUTH, THE HIDDEN DANGER, Surviving Deception, Betrayal and Narcissism. by Ann Bradley, M.A.

This is my story of an out of control divorce that never should have happened and how I survived some of the worst things one human can do to another.

Divorce is not like death, we have no ceremonies to comfort those who have been wrenched from normal lives and everyday activities and thrown into a process so out of control it is a wonder we do not rebel.   Except for the bone numbing fatigue, I suspect divorced men and women would storm the halls of lawyer’s offices and change would happen in a New York second.  But we are exhausted, told to move on because the lawyers want new retainers, new cases, and new faces.  They are as tired of our fighting as we are, even when the money is good.

This is not a do-it-yourself book. It is a guide to who and what really controls the divorce process and what you can do to stop them from taking away your right to divorce with dignity.  It is also my story because divorce is based on stories  and I learned my lessons from my own divorce in Silicon Valley.

I use the lawyers and  the lessons as a foundation for this book.   When I filed I had no idea my spouse was hiding income and had been for years. We began negotiating (he said, “I have papers I want kept out of court”), but this ended when his attorney called me and said. “I don’t like the way you are telling me to run this case” although it was my husband who wanted to keep him in the background.

Kick a dog long enough and he gets angry.  Lie to your spouse, cheat her out of money, verbally abuse her and eventually she will say, “Enough.”

Add the lawyers saying, “get over it, let it go, it’s only money” and people will get very very angry.  Show me a lawyer that will let you not pay his bill and see if they think “it’s only money.”  Tell him to get on with his life and see him raise up in horror and say, “I have spent all this time on your case, you WILL pay me.”

But this isn’t only money, it is dignity, children, houses, and photo albums. It isn’t only a woman’s problem, it is a man’s problem. Divorce is everyone’s problem.

“I’ll hit her over the head with a 2×4″  That was my introduction to Palo Alto divorce attorney, Jeff Kaufman.

Then he defrauded the court.  He wasn’t expecting one thing: me.

Downloaded instantly right to your inbox.  When you order, you get a bonus book within 24 hours.  And an update to the book.  So, hurry, learn what NOT to do as well as what to do to get to THE JOY OF EX

 $24.95 for immediate download. 

Survive Dysfunctional Divorce with REAL Stories

From Ground Zero of Divorce!
My Divorce Went To Trial and the Court of Appeals


The divorce industry is a $40 billion industry and divorce lawyers and others make their money by prolonging the  process (“churning the case”), increasing hostilities, and hiring “experts” who know  more about taking your money than anything else.

Women and Divorce

Many women from this generation are socialized to be “nice”.  Part of this socialization  means that you trust what people tell you, look out for others before yourself,  and give when asked.  You are naive. The attorneys know this and so does your spouse.

What Do You Know?

Are you vulnerable to lies? Do you know what tactics lawyers use?  Do you know what the “mommy tax” is?  Is your divorce high conflictor stalking through the legal system?  Why do narcissists keep on fighting?  Why did a Professor of Psychology write a book called Whores of The Court’ and what does this have to do with your divorce?

“I was ripe for attack in the divorce process.  Put this together with a narcissist and his narcissistic lawyer and the war was on.  I survived by wearing a metaphorical badge  called “Target”. I wore this to remind myself I really was targeted and not insane.

“Although my husband had told me hid assets and I had the evidence, we ended up at trial. His lawyer was a typical “scorched earth policy” divorce attorney.  Dirty tactics  in divorce? You bet.”

MEN and DIVORCE

I’ve been accused of being against men.  Nothing is further from the truth. I am against abuse.  I have male friends and clients who have chilling stories, horrifying tales. I have written about them in my newsletter, I have talked to them on the phone and I want men to be as aware as any woman of what landmines lie ahead in divorce.  Men or women, both are vulnerable to attorneys that manipulate emotions to increase fees. Remember, a quick divorce is not income producing.  And when they run through your money, you may have nothing left: not even your children.

An attorney who was himself getting divorced (male) bought my book and said, ”I can relate to your story Ann. It’s me all over – the fraud, the lack of funds, the depth of the attacks and the attorneys that made it worse.”

Divorcing a narcissist makes every problem worse.

Their sense of entitlement is endless and you will be maligned and disparaged. In their mind, you are worthless and deserve nothing.

“The narcissist makes a divorce a battleground and you are the enemy.”

My experience, intellect and education were useless in this fight. They were a liability. Good girls from private Quaker schools and Ivy colleges are not trained for combat. I had to learn that the name of the game is “indifference, winning and dirty tactics.”

If I could have read a story like this, I would not have wasted time, “explaining, asking, telling.”

IF I KNEW NOW WHAT I KNEW THEN I WOULD DO IT DIFFERENTLY. 

READ THIS SO YOU DON’T EVER HAVE TO SAY THAT!

DIVORCE :THE REAL TRUTH, THE HIDDEN DANGER Surviving, Deception, Betrayal and Narcissism, will show you, tell you and explain divorce as you may not know it.

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Instant download in pdf. Here it is, story and guidelines, psychology and information.   

Totally printable.  $24.95  for  information you need to know BEFORE you file.  Secure server.  Get it instantly!

  $24.95 for immediate download. 

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Divorce and Narcissism

Divorce and Narcissism are a difficult combination.

A narcissist in divorce will test your strength. Be prepared.

Divorce is never good -  but take a narcissist/verbal/emotional abuser and his lawyer and you have a situation that can turn quickly into an explosive battle. You can be hit with increasingly intense abuse. The legal system can be a very effective battering tool when divorce and narcissism are combined.

Are You The Victim Of A Liar? This Cut To The Chase Guide Is For YOU

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betrayal

Betrayal by a Narcissist

Trust thyself, and another shall not betray thee.
Thomas Fuller English clergyman & historian (1608-1661)

Betrayal, when realized, is a phenomenal existential feeling. Betrayal and narcissism is a lethal combination.

Suddenly your world is no longer the one you believed in. You question reality, but most of all you question yourself. “How”, you wonder, “could I have been so naive, stupid, blind, trusting, unseeing, unknowing?”  It may be difficult to believe, but these questions are good.

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divorce

Divorce and the Narcissist

Divorce and the Narcissist

A narcissist will target and attack. Do not react.

1. Keeping emotions under control is the one factor that can make or break your situation.

2. Too much emotion and you risk being labeled a drama mama. Or too emotional if a man.

3. You will be attacked and lied about. The normal response is to become emotional. Don’t.

4. Remember in divorce and the narcissist that your narcissist is a pathological liar. Prepare for that

 

SmartMoney.com quotes Ann Bradley:

There’s a correlation between having an attorney and having a long legal battle. Divorces in which both parties have a lawyer take nearly four months longer than when both don’t have legal counsel, according to a 2010 study by Marquette University Law School. One possible reason: Those most likely to hire counsel have “complicating factors such as higher husband income, longer marriage and minor children,” according to the study. But the researchers also concluded that “it is possible that lawyers deliberately extend the process so as to collect higher fees.” Ann Bradley, author of Divorce: The Real Truth and Hidden Dangers,  goes a step further: “Some lawyers add fuel to the emotional drama to keep you fighting.” 

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victim

Is It Wrong To Be A Victim?

IS IT WRONG TO BE A VICTIM?

Why everyone can’t just “move on” and “choose a happy future”

Harvard trained M.D. and trauma expert  Dr. Frank Ochberg says  ”our culture now disparages, blames, isolates, and condemns someone for being a victim”.

IS IT WRONG TO BE A VICTIM?

Why are victims told to deny their reality?  Sometimes being sad is normal.  It doesn’t mean you stay there, but you don’t have to feel guilty for it. Sometimes you need help. The concept that a victim can always consciously choose how to proceed is flawed.

Abuse is trauma and the ability to take steps forward is often impaired.

Sometimes therapists makes the problem worse because they are not aware of what being the victim of a narcissist is really like. The phrase “move on with your life” is commonly used. Sometimes said to those who have lost a custody battle, a home, savings, a family or job, this phrase can be another betrayal.

Just when a victim needs support, they are asked to go it alone.

The entire infrastructure of a life is often destroyed.

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lack of empathy

Lack Of Empathy

LACK OF EMPATHY – OUCH!

A hurtful act is the transference to others of the degradation which we bear in ourselves.  - Simone Weil

One can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing.  - Oscar Wilde

You are not a person to a narcissist and therefore you will never receive empathy from them.  Your pain is invisible or, if pointed out, is of no consequence.  If you cry, “You don’t understand” that is true.  Relating to, support of, caring what you experience, and understanding what you are going through, is not available in a relationship with a narcissist. You walk alone.

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