..is verbal abuse, physical abuse, put downs, manipulation, betrayal, lack of empathy, accusations, failure to communicate, lack of intimacy…it is all of this and more
online since 2002
There is much to see on this site. However you view the site, welcome to a world of help. For tons of content from years of context you can begin here or finish this page – wander all over, there is much for you.
is not forever. We’ll work together and get you out from under the pain and hurts.
Return from the narcissism void: The Journey Back
Male or female, partner, spouse or parent, being the victim of a dysfunctional person is one of life’s most difficult tasks.
It isn’t easy being you.
You might be unsure of yourself if you are with an abuser because they can so easily turn on the charm or say, “C’mon, aren’t you being too sensitive? What’s the matter with you?” And there you are again, back in the cycle of abuse.
You might be questioning yourself and asking, “Why can’t I make him happy? What am I doing wrong?”
It isn’t easy being you when he says, “You make me be this way.”
You are not to blame and there is help. You are not alone. Narcissism is a personality disorder but there is also acquired situational narcissism. A victim can be from an upscale life or not. Abuse strikes everyone. Are you afraid of your partner? Does he or she force you to agree with them? Still feeling the sting from a parent’s words? Always being manipulated?
There are suggested readings throughout the site. Let words of wisdom comfort and embrace you as you learn the pathway out.
You can make it through to the other side of narcissism. The narcissist in your life may be parent, partner, child or friend,but you can learn what to do.
I begin with a happy story to fill you with hope. I know you need one.
Let’s survive this together. Here we go:
Hello and welcome to a world you don’t want to be in – the world of the narcissist. Since 2002 we have been dedicated to explaining what narcissism is, how to deal with it and to share so you don’t feel alone. Over the years hundreds of sites have sprung up on narcissism so it is not the unknown it once was. Knowing you are not crazy, alone or without help is excellent.
My introduction began with a divorce. My husband was a stealth narcissist. I had no idea until one day he announced, “I owe you a lot of money.” He proceeded to tell me he kept a double set of books and hid money. I chronicle the long and involved journey of that in a book I wrote. You can read about it in DIVORCE and LAWYERS and find out how to survive a narcissist and his unethical lawyer and end up winning in the court of appeals after they vowed to “grind you into the ground until you have nothing.”
This site has general topics on narcissism as well as specifics cases. The journey isn’t easy but you can do it and you are worth it. C’mon in with us.
Narcissism is categorized as a personality disorder by the mental health profession. It is referred to as NPD or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Few are ever diagnosed because few go to therapy.
or stay here a while longer for more info, overview and tips before heading to the rest
Curious or unsure who is a narcissist? For a list of characteristics of the narcissist, start here Characteristics
The narcissist will often manipulate others, especially partners, to control them. Projection and blame are hallmarks of this manipulation. It is estimated that 85% of narcissists are males. This site respects all victims of emotional abuse, both male and female.
Narcissism is not high self-esteem, but a condition where the typical narcissist suffers from:
•Preoccupation with hiding real or perceived flaws •Overestimation of importance, achievements, talents and skills •Maladaptive attention seeking behavior •Inability to empathize with others •Excessive anger and shame in response to criticism often resulting in rage
The Bottom Line With a Narcissist
Because living with a narcissist can be extremely painful, it is important to understand
•You are not to blame
•Narcissists ensnare everyone
•Learning how to leave is important
•Rebuilding a life takes courage but you can do it
•There are plenty of people to help you, but it may not be your family or friends
•Information can be your ally to learn you are not alone
•It will take time to heal
THE JOY OF EX :
Leaving behind relationships that make you feel bad.
Freedom from relationship tyranny, control and manipulation.
Not sure if someone is a narcissist? Or just a jerk?
When you are manipulated or treated badly, labels are less important than getting help and understanding that change needs to happen. However, changing someone else is not what you can do, but changing your thoughts and actions is under your control and something you can do.
You have options, but turning a jerk, sociopath, narcissist, or abuser into prince charming isn’t one of them. If the abuse is wearing you down, take
time to learn how to leave and plan your exit. If you aren’t confident that you can do so, take a moment and pat yourself on the back for getting this far. Using that character strength that got you here, grab a hold and take it with you on the next step to the life you deserve. It may be bumpy, but if you think things through and keep emotions under control, and don’t rush and make rash decisions, you can do it.
not the time to push buttons or get revenge.
Divorcing a Narcissist.
I learned about narcissism by divorcing one. It was a gut wrenching experience. In one typical day I learned of new lies and betrayals, of family members he turned against me. I watched him micromanage every act to put himself in the best possible light. But I learned how to dispute my own negative thoughts, develop a life that significantly improved and learned that every problem has a lesson and therein lies the challenge and the gift.
Tired of the media and narcissism? It seems like they know it all – and everyone is a narcissist.
But yours is in your home, impacting your health, your kids, your psyche.
And you know it is time to seek out life with joy again. But how?
How much can one person take? Had enough?
Controlled? Lied About? Gaslighted? Micromanaged? Gone from love-bombed to devalued?
Sick and Tired? Had Enough? Take the steps that lead you out of misery, loss of self-esteem, and find the Joy of Ex.
Welcome to the world of the narcissist. It looks like the same world of everyone else. But it isn’t.
The world of the narcissist is the Alice in Wonderland, Wizard of Oz version of reality where the Mad Hatter rules and the curtain hides a coward and no one is sure of what they see and everything is distorted. Welcome to a site for narcissists, their families, workers and friends. If you are struggling with a life of pain and fear and trauma from an interaction with a narcissist, you are not alone. There is help no matter if your narcissist is male or female.
LABELS: Not sure if your abuser is a narcissist? When you are being abused, the labels are less important than you getting help and understanding you are a victim. Don’t ignore the possibility your abuser is a sociopath. This book is startling in its portrayal of the sociopathic personality. They are everywhere, they appear so normal and yet they are stunningly cunning.
You can survive emotional abuse. A narcissist has certain characteristics similar to other emotional abusers. Learn what they are and how to respond so you do not have to be the victim of narcissism (narcissistic personality disorder). You don’t have to lose your confidence, hope and passion for life because you are in a relationship with, or experiencing, a narcissist. This experience can be a catalyst for growth and self respect and learning how to cope with difficult events and circumstances. You can learn the skills to move beyond.
Victimization, divorce, abuse, manipulation, fraud…and much more. Click here right now to -> Enter NarcissisticAbuse.com Read, learn, join in the conversation, and find out you are not alone and there is help.
I went to Stanford. What was I doing breaking into my husband’s home to get the evidence I needed to prove my divorce case? How did it come to this?I was soon to discover my education was a liability. Nice girls lose in power battles. Until they get tired of losing and say, “The hell with this crap.”
I love to see people reclaim their life and laughter after surviving a toxic relationship or difficult divorce. Understanding the complexities of the situation, being able to grasp reality in a world where the geography seems to lead you nowhere, are foundational to moving out and through a tough time. I have survived hellish divorce, trial and appeal and worked with hundreds to help them through their own complexities.
I attended the University of Pennsylvania, Antioch College, Stanford University (Ph.D graduate studies). I am a certified Positive Psychology coach who studied with Martin Seligman, PhD. from the University of Pennsylvania.
I have extensive experience working with high conflict divorces and the men and women involved in them. I’m not a lawyer but I wrote a winning brief in the 6th District Court of Appeals in California much to the dismay of opposing counsel, an appellate attorney. About that experience, “It changed me. It led me to positive psychology and empowering people to move the mountains in their path.”
Narcissism was my constant companion from my spouse and then his attorney. It revved my engine of injustice and had me dig deep for strength. I used my research skills from Stanford grad school to research the way out – possibility was my mantra, along with, “Land those planes” – a reference to rumination and thoughts that just won’t go away.